Greetings, my dear brothers and sisters in Christ! Today has been a rough day as I find myself feeling alone and brokenhearted. I never thought I’d experience such loneliness in this world. Since rededicating my life to the Lord in 2012, everything has changed. I went from having friends to eventually having none, growing closer to God but further from everyone else. During my awakening, God opened my eyes to reveal the truth about those around me. After a while, I realized I was the only one holding on to a relationship that was already over. My heart has been broken many times by those closest to me. Everything in my life has fallen apart, and there’s not a single person I can open my heart to without them trying to break it. I have no one but God. I know I’m not the only person in the world going through heartache.

When I’m feeling low, I have to find ways to lift my own spirits because there’s no one in my life to offer encouragement or uplifting words. I always have to pick myself up and keep going. I’ve lost my voice at times because I’ve been dismissed & rejected repeatedly, it’s like I’ve been shut down and cut off. I can only say or mention certain things to the person’s liking. If it’s not in alignment with their perspective, then it’s automatically shut down and dismissed as if what I have to say is not relevant or important. I can’t share my thoughts or feelings without it turning into a conflict, and I can’t express my innermost self, my purest thoughts from my higher self. I’m perceived in all sorts of negative ways when I truly desire love, truth, peace and harmony. I often talk about teamwork because I genuinely enjoy working with others, but I’m frequently shut down when I bring it up. The same thing happens when I discuss topics like spiritual growth or soul progression. I’m dismissed when I ask certain questions to gain clarity and understanding, and I often face the same reaction when I mention accountability and responsibility.

I get very little engagement in conversations when I bring up God or other spiritual topics. It feels like I’m talking to myself every day. What can I talk about without getting dismissed, rejected or shutdown? It seems no matter what I talk about I will always be invisible and rejected. Life can be tough, but I keep doing the work I believe God has called me to do. I’m simply following his plan by wearing the robe of righteousness. I know firsthand how people treat the righteous because I’m living it. The purpose of this post is to say that the righteous often face unfair treatment and are sometimes targeted by evil spirits. On my spiritual journey, I’ve noticed that sometimes evil spirits can work through the people in our lives. It could be anyone, family members, friends, co-workers, a spouse, or even our children. When you don’t have many people in your life, the attacks often come from those closest to you. Surely Satan doesn’t want you to live your life in peace, so evil spirits will be stirred, and conflict will follow.

Satan wants us all to fight with each other. I’ve noticed this in all kinds of relationships with others. You can be calm, cool, and collected, but the other person might still get triggered and feel a certain way toward you, or they might have a problem with what you’re saying. It can be several things. You might have good intentions, but the other person may not see it that way and will always try to overpower you, steering the situation or conversation to keep themselves on top. Some people say things just to bring you down, and maybe that makes them feel like they’ve won. I’ve realized that a lot of people hurt others because they’re hurting themselves. Hurt people hurt people, it’s just the way it is. But it really sucks being the one who’s always on the receiving end of it.

I’ve had enough of people hurting me because they are hurting inside. I don’t deserve this at all. I cry out to the Lord all the times asking for him to heal my heart. It feels like there’s nowhere to escape for a peaceful life because something is always happening. So many people are hurting, struggling to get by, falling ill, or losing their jobs. The world feels chaotic, people seem to be losing their minds, and it just doesn’t feel safe anymore. In my mind, I long for a place of safety, where I am loved, valued, and appreciated. I run to the arms of the Lord, asking Him to hide me under His wings. I pray for the Heavenly Father to protect, save, and deliver me. Sometimes it feels like I don’t have a place in this kingdom on Earth. I felt at home when I was carried away in a chariot in my dream, like I truly belonged there. Sometimes I say out loud to the heavenly Father, asking Him to send his chariot to take me away. It feels like I just want to leave this place behind. Nobody seems to care about me, anyway, so why not be carried up in a chariot to return to God’s kingdom in heaven.

Many years ago, I had a dream and I was in my home packing my luggage and I was ready to go. I was standing by the door just waiting. Then an angel arrived and said, “Are you ready?” I said yes! We went outside and suddenly the angel transformed into a giant. He placed me on his shoulder and carried me. People outside was afraid of the giant and was running but I wasn’t scared. I felt safe and protected by the Giant. He wasn’t sent to hurt me. It was like God had sent a huge guardian angel to pick me up. My dreams and visions are what keeps me going because I feel God’s presence in my dreams. He speaks to me in my dreams and he is always my protector. So, when I am alone, I know that God’s angels are protecting me even if I can’t see them physically. I know they are nearby and, in the heavens, above watching over me. God knew I would face moments like these, feeling all alone, and gave me dreams to revisit whenever loneliness sets in. He also gave me dreams to remain hopeful and dreams where I am worthy. God has shown his love to me repeatedly. I may not have many people on Earth who love me, but I know my Heavenly Father and my heavenly family loves me. His love is good enough for me. His love heals all my wounds. He heals the brokenhearted.

God knows everything I’ve been through, he knows my heart, and my true intentions. He’s the one who truly understands me and has never turned me away. I talk to him every day, for as long as I need, and I’m never ignored, dismissed, or mistreated. He’s only ever corrected me and guided me toward the truth. Life has been tough, full of pain and challenges, but he’s always been by my side. He is the only one who has ever been by my side. I’ve been abused, abandoned, betrayed, and even plotted against. I’ve faced countless battles in my life, yet I still hold on to my faith in God. Even now in my weakness my eyes remain on the Lord. At this point in my life there is nothing but pain and suffering. It feels like I am just alive to experience hurt, pain and suffering. Sometimes I just don’t understand certain things. I feel like Job in the bible. I’m being tested and put on trial. While I’ve been going through my own tribulations God has refined me. It’s very clear that God is purifying me because I have gone through the fire.

I cry out, “How much longer, O God?” How much more must I endure? I’ve been holding on for so long, trying to stay strong, but I really need the Father’s help right now. God’s people are always under attack and many of us experience spiritual warfare. It’s been very intense for me. All I want is to live a peaceful life, but it feels like some forces are determined to keep me from experiencing joy and happiness. The one person I believed was on my side has been slowly turning against me, and it’s been going on for years. The individual is blind to how they have been treating me for years. So many people have done me wrong, and I just bring every matter before God in prayer. Now is the time to distance yourself from those who continually oppose you when you’re simply trying to live for God. We are living in the last days and people will began turning against each other. For years I’ve been working on myself asking for God to remove all impurities out of me, so I’ve been going through the fire of purification. Sometimes it feels like the more purified I become, the more it upsets the evil spirits.

The evil spirits accuse me of believing everyone should bow down to me, thinking I know everything, and seeing myself above others. The evil spirits say everything always has to revolve around me. Evil spirits often try to attack my spiritual gifts and intuition. I’m open-hearted and able to express myself on deeper levels, and the evil spirits seem to react because they’re trapped, limited, and unable to fully express themselves, so they target my strengths. They can’t match my energy or keep up with my higher vibes, so they resort to negative remarks with a cold attitude. The evil spirits try to pull me down to their low vibrational level, but it’s not working because I keep rising above it. The evil spirits despise me when I speak the truth, becoming agitated with me before eventually fleeing. God has been showing me that I’m becoming like a flame, burning away impurities. That’s why some people find it hard to be around me or even talk to me. Truth resides within me always. If the truth is not in them then they will automatically have an issue with me.

Some people think I’m the one starting conflicts, but it’s really the other way around. I just speak my truth, and when they disagree, they push back. I bring facts, and when I ask questions, no one has an answer. The topic then shifts to something else. Certain subjects are always avoided because they don’t want to face certain truths. That’s what sets me apart from most people I don’t run or hide from anything. I acknowledge everything, take accountability and responsibility for my actions, and I tell the truth without lying. If I am in the wrong, I apologize immediately. I try to be clear and make sure people understand exactly what I mean, but somehow my words get twisted because they are not truly listening. They are so busy thinking about what they want to say to prove me wrong. Some people seem more interested in dragging me down to their level than lifting me up. Some people have even cut me off, said what they wanted to say, and then hung up in my face. I’ve experienced so many things from so many people, and I realized that people would do everything to avoid the truth.

Some people don’t listen to understand. Some people are quick to respond without seeking clarity or understanding. I discovered that when I stand up for myself, that’s when conflict starts. People expect me to just sit there and listen while they wrongfully accuse me of things I said or did. When I correct someone, it suddenly becomes a problem and turns into accusations that I’m not listening. People expect me to accept the lies they say about me, but that’s not going to happen. I will stand up for myself. Everyone wants the right to defend themselves, yet when I do it, it somehow becomes an issue. Then it turns into accusations that I think I know everything. Is it because they don’t have all the facts and want to make me seem like I don’t know what I’m talking about? Whenever I’m right about something, it feels like people never want to admit it. Over time, I’ve learned that people can change on you and twist your words into things you never said, just to make themselves appear like the victim. It’s just the same old cycle, the same pattern that I’ve noticed. I’ve had to learn how to stay quiet, but it hasn’t been easy and has definitely been a challenge for me. After experiencing so much conflict with people I just don’t want to talk to none of them anymore because it’s always going to be the same cycle.

For a long time, I thought I was the problem, but I no longer believe there’s anything wrong with me. I’ve been changing and growing for many years, and I’m beginning to see who I’m becoming. I’m evolving beyond the lower cycles, and I’m tired of going back and forth with people. I’m tired of constantly having to defend myself in conversations where people refuse to acknowledge certain truths. I’ve decided to move on and keep my distance from those who’ve started conflicts with me. No one ever tried to understand what I was saying everything I said was dismissed, flipped around and I was always made out to be wrong about everything. This post is a way for me to let go because I’m tired of being hurt by others. I’m worn out from people treating me differently because I have deeper knowledge. They try to pull me down to their level, not understanding what I’ve learned through my spiritual journey. You’d think they’d support me and be happy about my growth in the light, but that’s just not how it is. I face opposition because of the light I carry within me. People expect me to be like them ignorant and trapped in spiritual bondage. They want me to suppress my feelings and emotions as they do, to lie as they do, but that’s never going to happen.

Some people just aren’t ready to change, but I have. I get now why God was telling me to stay quiet he already knew the outcome would be the same. Still, I tried so hard to get people to understand me, but no matter how I shared the message, it always ended the same way. I should’ve listened to God from the start, and now I’ve learned my final lesson. So, I’m choosing to remain silent and I will obey God. I’m no longer giving my time, effort or energy to certain people anymore. The war ends now. There won’t be any more conflicts involving me and others; people will face their own internal battles on their own. They will have to confront their inner darkness and face their own personal demons. Hopefully they surrender to God and seek deliverance. I tried to offer guidance and be a spiritual mentor, but my help was rejected, unneeded, unappreciated, and unwelcome. It’s 10:10! I will turn all my pain and suffering into healing energy. I don’t want my struggles to harm anyone; instead, I hope my experiences can help others and bring them self-growth and self-healing. I want my release to become a transformative power that inspires change in others. We all go through up’s and down’s in life. We are here to help each other not tear each other down. Somebody’s strength can be someone else’s weakness, and someone’s weakness can be another’s strength. I’ll leave it at that. I am done with my release. Sometimes you just have to get it out. May all my hurt and pain be healed and transformed from darkness into light. -Seraphim Sophia