I will be all over the place with this post as I try my best to navigate through my inner world where there is hurt and pain. There is so much that I am trying to release and I desire healing. There is going to be a lot of pain being expressed throughout this post so if you don’t want to dive deep into my inner world please don’t read. I don’t need someone else to attack me through expressing myself. If anything, send sincere prayers to God for healing and restoration for me as I need true believers of Christ who cares about other souls experiencing a tough journey. After I finished this post at the end I came back to the top of the post to write this. But here’s where the original post started from.

Shalom Brothers and Sisters in Christ. I was in the middle of writing another post and suddenly the topic shifted. I started sharing more of the things I believe God wants me to express to others. So, I decided to move the section here on this post. My faith has been tested for the last 10 years. It’s crazy because it seems spiritual warfare increased in my life after a completion of 1260 days. I find that so strange because there is reference to the 1260 days in the bible. My spiritual awakening began on July 2, 2012, and on November 2, 2015, I embarked on a 40-day fast that I called Preparation for the Bride (144,000): Repent and Purify Your Bodies (Temple). I completed a 40-day fast from November 2, 2015, to December 11, 2015, and made a post on December 13, 2015 called COMPLETION: IT IS FINISHED! FINAL DAYS ARE AHEAD and another post called Dream on December 13, 2015: Volcano Eruption and Entering into the Promised Land.

That final dream after my 40-day fast marked 1,260 days since my spiritual awakening. The final dream I was given after this fast was about a volcanic eruption and for me it meant that it signified the final warning before the second exodus, or what I now refer to as the return of Nibiru and the Anunnaki, who will arrive in celestial chariots before the pole shift. It symbolizes the final judgment or end-time prophecies that will occur at the conclusion of this cycle, as we transition from the Age of Pisces into the Age of Aquarius. Nibiru’s return is cyclical. This event is likened to the return of Yahshua Ha’Mashiac, the true God/King of Israel who is a royal descendant of Anu. It’s all connected with ancient Nibiru prophecies hidden in plain sight. He is the Lamb of God. The Lamb was sent from Nibiru to Earth. So many different traditions were passed down from the wise ones of Nibiru and the ancient Israelites received those heavenly teachings. Much was passed down from Adam or Adapa, who was the son of Enki. But we just have to decode everything to see the bigger message because God was simply trying to reveal his secrets to us. Everything happened for a reason.

Yahshua was the chosen one, the holy one of Israel, who faithfully kept the commandments. In ancient Sumerian texts, Anu was the king of Nibiru, and the throne of Nibiru returns as the Adjudicator. Nibiru is the Son of the Sun and power and authority was given to Nibiru to judge the Earth when it passes through the inner Solar System. Nibiru caused the Great Flood during the days of Noah and it’s returning again to judge the world again. So, we know that Yahshua is returning and righteous judgment will go forth on the earth. The only sign in the heavens that represents God’s coming judgment is Nibiru because of the chaos and destruction it will cause. It will cleanse and purify the earth of all evil just as it did before in prior cycles. We will see Nibiru on the right side of the Sun and it will come in front of the Sun and cause darkness on Earth. In the celestial story the Father represents the Sun and Nibiru represents the Son of God. Earth is our Mother.

Let me not get off track but the overall revelation is that Nibiru serves as the Creator’s instrument of judgment. In the final dream I was leaving the land and going into a new land. That represents an exodus. Surely, it’s all symbolic and God was trying to reveal something to me about what was coming. Back then, I was just figuring out how to share my dreams, and I’ve grown and evolved a lot since 2015. What’s interesting is that I completed a 1,260-day period from Monday, July 2, 2012, to Sunday, December 13, 2015. Isn’t that strange? Two days later, I started talking about preparing the way for the two witnesses. I’ll need to revisit my dreams from 2015 and view them with fresh eyes to understand what the Most High was revealing. Maybe I overlooked something, or maybe it’s just meant to make sense to me now.

But to really get into the topic of this post I’ve been in an ongoing war with light and darkness. I overcame my own inner darkness, but the real challenge began when I had to face the darkness within others, and that has been the toughest struggle of all being on this earth. People’s darkness is greater than I ever could have imagined. It’s like a deep darkness where souls have lost sight of their own inner light. All they can perceive is outer darkness surrounding them because it’s their own inner darkness that’s being projected. That’s all they can see, all they can feel, all they know. They don’t realize the light within, so they can’t recognize it in the world or around them. Some people can only point out the darkness in others, never seeing their light. They focus solely on the negative, noticing flaws but overlooking the good.

They often can’t see their own inner flaws, and when called out, they usually react defensively I had to learn that people only fought against the light within me. When I stood up for myself, I was simply revealing the truth about the situation. My truth was often rejected. When others tried to defend themselves, they were protecting a lie, and I was the one calling it out. That’s when the problem kept going. People disliked the truth I told, no matter what it was. So many people around me whether family, friends and spouse all said the same things about me. Everybody always said that they can’t talk to me because I don’t listen and there’s always conflict. They think I was the one trying to start conflict with them because I was telling the truth.

I’m a talkative person and I know myself on all levels. I realized over time that these people were triggered by the things I said. It was clear they needed to so more inner work on themselves, but they didn’t even know what that even meant on a basic level. It felt like I was the only one who knew what was going on and everyone else was just lost in spiritual darkness. It was always different topic of discussions I would bring up and it’s clear they didn’t understand what I was talking about. People always took the message in the wrong way because they lacked understanding. These people never asked clarifying questions to understand my point of view or what I was talking about.

These people never understood where I was coming from. How could that be? I was so lost. Everything that I was communicating was basic knowledge and I was trying my best to meet them at their level of consciousness. They simply attacked my personality and all my strengths. They all kept saying things such as I think I am above them, I think I know everything etc. How? Because I have more knowledge than they do because I actually read and study biblical texts and ancient materials that they don’t. Am I supposed to be just like them? It felt that way, it’s like they all wanted me to function at the same level of consciousness as they were. For years I had been constantly seeking higher knowledge and asking the Creator to guide and teach me. I even asked the Creator if something was wrong with me because I had started incorporating higher teachings into my daily life.

They didn’t see it that way, but the Creator was purifying and refining me all along, and they just couldn’t handle it. I was being transformed as time progressed, and they all remained the same. I approached people differently and refined my speech to reach them. I thoroughly explain myself and indicated exactly what I meant and what my intentions were in the conversation and it still ended with conflict. I felt like I was always tiptoeing around others, afraid to say the wrong thing that might set them off. I tried everything to change my communication style, but nothing worked. I realized I wasn’t the problem. I kept changing everything about myself just so people could see my light, but they never did—it was always the same story. No matter how I talked to them, they treated me the same. At times I wondered, Am I supposed to stay at the same level of ignorance as others, or should I work on raising my consciousness to become a better version of myself?

I kept working on myself and eventually I got to the point where I don’t even want to communicate with these people anymore because it’s pointless. For me it’s only speak when spoken to. There is no more opening up to people. Over the years, I kept wondering if I’m not supposed to have higher knowledge or understanding about certain things in life. Was I not supposed to have empathy and compassion? Was I not supposed to speak up when people hurt me? I mean it was crazy. People expected me to be quiet, uncommunicative, and lacking in emotional intelligence or expression. I mean some of the conversations that turned into conflicts were small things that eventually turned into bigger things. I just couldn’t understand the type of consciousness I was encountering in my life. It felt like everyone around me was moving through life in the dark, barely aware and on a low level of consciousness. There I was trying to navigate through the darkness. It was no escaping the darkness. There was nowhere to go as the darkness was always there in certain people I knew. Now people simply avoid me and I avoid them too.

Over time, I’ve noticed that some people struggle to express themselves or communicate clearly. Some people often suppress their emotions, assuming others can already sense exactly how they feel inside. When I used to ask people certain questions, none of them could answer, and they would change the subject and steer the conversation in a different direction. When I make a correction, that’s usually when conflict starts. People don’t like to be corrected, and many tend to put words in your mouth because they’re not really listening. Most of the time, people already have a response ready without fully understanding what was actually said. Some people have tried to undermine my intelligence because they’re slow to understand or simply unaware of what I’m communicating.

One individual always finds a way to blame me even when I’ve done nothing wrong, just because I correct them when they say something inaccurate about what I’ve communicated. Instead of acknowledging what they have been doing to cause unnecessary issues they turn everything around on me. There’s no accountability. People expect me to stay quiet and not defend myself, as if I should just sit there and let them say things about me that aren’t true. Then it’s I’m not listening. People often throw these words at me when they sense the purifying fire in my truth. It’s like they feel defeated, so they dig up an old negative trait and hurl it back to make themselves feel better. They try to win the fight against the light, but they never truly succeed because they haven’t learned their lesson, and the cycle just repeats. At times I feel like I am being used as a purifying flame of God when I encounter these spirits of darkness.

Whenever someone tells me I don’t listen, it feels like they’re using it against me. I’ve always owned up to my flaws and negative traits and never tried to sugarcoat them. It no longer triggers me anymore because I know they are the ones who haven’t listened or understood my messages. I’ve struggled to remain silent. God wants me to keep quiet, but it’s hard when I have to live with or be around these individuals. I’ve grown and evolved, while some people choose to stay the same. I give people plenty of chances to express themselves without me saying a word, but even when they have all the time in the world, they still don’t. People are welcome to talk to me anytime about anything, and I’m always open to listening and offering feedback when needed. People often prefer to hear the positives rather than the areas they need to work on or improve. Where is the self-growth? It feels like discussing the negative aspects of oneself is completely off-limits. It’s like some souls are saying, let’s just avoid all the negativity instead of facing it or overcoming it. I’ve noticed that some people have tried to dominate me in conversations to gain a sense of control.

It’s always men that I have these conflicts with. Men are my biggest enemies. Men hate the fact that I have more knowledge than them and it makes them feel some sort of way. It’s like men are intimidated by me. With one person I know, I always end up leading the conversation because he has no idea how to communicate. I’m the one who asks the questions and practically handles everything when it comes to communication. This person struggles with communication, which is my strength, and attacks me because I’m more spiritually aware and attuned than he is. I know myself completely and he can’t figure himself out. That’s not my problem. He’s literally wandering in the dark, unaware that the light has been sent to him and has been within him all along. Some people don’t want to see the light.

This person has a particular way of doing things, and I’ve picked up on the pattern. Sometimes people try to pull you into their vortex to control you, but it doesn’t work on me because I can see right through it. Some people may try to take advantage of you, behaving as though they can do whatever they please, but every action comes with its consequences. I always notice both the light and darkness in others, preferring to view things from a central, balanced perspective. I often face a lot of pushback and run into issues when having conversations with certain individuals who lack specific knowledge. I’ve come to realize that finding peace often means staying quiet and keeping your distance from people who thrive on arguments and avoid facing their problems. No matter how much effort I put in, I can’t help them they have to seek help themselves when they’re ready to change.

I’ve realized that some people struggle with having mature conversations, and many lack emotional intelligence. Everyone carries both light and darkness within, and it’s up to each person to find balance in their own energy. Some people wander too far into the darkness, where no light can reach. Others find themselves trapped in their own inner shadows, consumed by dark and troubling thoughts. Some people have ill intentions and try to hurt or bring others down, while others even wish for bad things to come their way. Words can be like spells, and sometimes people don’t realize they’re sending negative, harmful energy toward others. I’m worn out from dealing with conflicts with those who claim to be children of God. It’s exhausting, and I’m done fighting with people.

I’m literally distancing myself from everyone at this point because I’m the only one who has been suffering in many ways due to the toxic and dark energy of other people. They have no clue about the harm they’ve caused me with their harsh words, negative thoughts, and feelings toward me. I’m done dealing with people’s demons; it’s gotten completely out of hand. Everyone I know misunderstands me. If people don’t want to be delivered from their own demons, then that’s on them. I’m tired of being attacked by evil spirits that operate through people. If people choose to give their power to Satan and evil spirits, then let them, because I’m not going to try to save anyone else. If they want to be consumed by their own inner darkness, what can I do? Nothing except pray for their healing and deliverance.

I have been experiencing trials and tribulations for many years and I’m tired of fighting in this war. It seems like I just can’t escape tribulation on the Earth no matter what path I take. It seems like Satan always finds a way to mess up my life through people who are lost in darkness. No matter how much good I try to do, bad things still seem to come my way when I’m just minding my own business and doing the work of the Kingdom. Sometimes when we go through certain experiences in life, it’s for a reason. God may be trying to teach us a lesson, wake us up from false realities, and most importantly, reveal the truth to us. I’ve been learning some tough lessons myself, and honestly, I just want to leave this planet because it feels like the same cycle of destruction keeps repeating. It’s not the Earth itself, but the souls living here that create the imbalance and disharmony in the world, leading to chaos and destruction.

My soul has been crying out to the throne of God saying, “Please get me away from these spirits of darkness on the earth because they are trying to bring me down.” Dealing with certain individuals trapped in spiritual darkness who are stuck in the same cycle can be frustrating. You try to help and save them, but they simply don’t want to be saved. If you’re here on a divine mission from God, you can’t afford to get sidetracked or distracted but you’ve got to stay focused entirely on your calling. You may love others and want to bring them along with you on your awakening journey as you grow and evolve, but you have to let them go and avoid becoming attached. I’ve always felt compassion for others and tried to help, but it ended up becoming a trap for me especially as an empath. I feel deeply, especially when it comes to the people I love. I had to learn some tough lessons because I loved so deeply, and that’s what ended up being the trap for me. It almost feels like Satan fooled me with a false sense of love. It was my downfall. I believed certain people loved me, but it turned out they didn’t, and it wasn’t real love at all.

I was tricked and hurt, and it hit me that the enemy’s plan all along was to break my heart over and over again. Over time, I had to figure out the difference between true love and false love. In the end, I learned the truth, and it hurt a lot. People can be very convincing in the beginning as if they are purehearted but after some time the true self is revealed. So now I know how to identity what true love is. True Love doesn’t hurt; it’s not painful. I’ve made many mistakes in my life because I believed other people were genuine and had integrity. I found myself on a downward spiral, getting pulled into other people’s traumas and pains. I thought I could help them. I was fooled me into believing people wanted a peaceful life with Christ. I fell for their lies and was deceived, when I should have guarded my heart.

So, I tell you please protect your heart from all people and don’t easily believe what people tell you. It doesn’t matter if they seem like a good-hearted person, please get to know every person deeply who you come into your life before truly opening your heart up to them. Sometimes we believe we’re doing the right thing, but we can end up caught in difficult situations because we’re good people and others take advantage of that. We might think, “No, this person would never do that,” but they might, depending on how circumstances change. You never really know what could happen to someone that makes them change so suddenly. I tell you the truth, someone I know changed so suddenly because they lost their father. Life was no longer the same for this person. This person lost theirself and I don’t even know who this person is anymore.

The person lost all sense of purpose in life and fell into a deep depression. The way they treated me was terrible, and I saw nothing that reflected a follower of Christ in them. Over time, their faith faded, and they seemed to lose all motivation. This person was once devoted to doing God’s work, but they eventually stopped altogether. The person who used to help me share the messages from God no longer supports the work I do. This person just doesn’t seem interested in working for God’s kingdom or supporting those who do, which is really sad. I’ve seen someone be completely devoted to Christ and then suddenly walk away because of certain events that happen in life. In these final days, many will have their faith tested, and it will become clear who genuinely loves the kingdom of God.

As children of God, we need to know people’s true intentions with us. If people come into your life and refuse to open up or share how they truly feel, there’s no reason to move forward with them. Chances are, they might end up hurting you. Many followers of Christ choose to forgive others repeatedly for the wrongs they’ve done, but that doesn’t mean you have to keep those people in your life. I’m sure God doesn’t want you to go through all kinds of chaos in your life, and he definitely doesn’t want you being pulled down by those who are choosing to walk a darker path. Some people will cling to you and drain your energy. It’s important to distance yourself from these kinds of people, trust me. I wish I could go back in time and change certain decisions that I made. I would flee from certain people and go in the opposite direction or simply make better choices where I am protecting myself.

I made certain decisions because I wanted to feel loved again, but it has caused me great pain and suffering. I remember the exact moment where my life could have went in a different direction from where it is now. The only relationship I should have had was with Christ. I should’ve chosen Yahshua back then. There would have been no distractions at all, and I could have been dedicated to God’s kingdom only. I would have avoided so much hurt, pain and heartache. Yet through the choice that I made I have gained true knowledge & wisdom through many different experiences good and bad but now I can warn others to not to make the same mistakes as I once did. May you all, men and women, choose God first! Don’t be afraid to remain single!” Let God guide your life, and he’ll always steer you in the right direction.

If you’ve been hurting, he’ll bring you healing. It’s going to take time, and you’ll need to stay patient and faithful to him no matter what. He’ll show you what true love really is so you can see it in others before choosing to enter any kind of relationship. God heals the brokenhearted. God will protect your heart. He will never abandon you like others will. He will never mistreat you, harm you, or bring you any pain or suffering, but will guide you to the tree of life. From experience alone I learned that people who are lost and deeply hurting may mistreat or harm others without a second thought, simply because they are struggling inside. These souls need the love of God too, but they haven’t surrendered to God. It may take them awhile to come out of their darkness. If you choose to stick around with these individuals you will experience a painful cycle. Perhaps you may be the only light in their life and that’s what I feel like with the situations I’ve been in.

For me I have said, “Leave no one behind!” It’s like coming to the Earth with a team and we knew that it was going to be hard incarnating on the Earth to complete our mission. Some people may forget who they are on the mission and may find themselves stuck in a dark place. Prior to going on the mission we are told as a team, “We have to stick together no matter what and never give up! Don’t give up on yourself nor your team. If one member of your team gets trapped or captured by the enemy, be strong and courageous and don’t be afraid to rescue the others. Leave no one behind on this mission. I am sending my strongest warriors in, and you can overcome anything. Don’t’ go down without a fight.

So, my dear love ones, as a warrior of the light I won’t just leave my fellow brothers and sisters of the light behind in the hands of the enemy. It has always felt like my duty to fight for the people I love. I know that others may not fight for me, but that’s just who I am. Sometimes, to save others, you have to make sacrifices, which might mean venturing into dangerous territory to rescue your loved ones. Some people are trapped in deep darkness, and instead of heading in the opposite direction, I made a decision to fight against the darkness. I dove right in, trying to pull the person out of their deep darkness, fully aware I could get hurt in the process and I did. I was facing this person’s inner darkness, unaware of everything hidden within it. I found myself facing another beast, one even greater than the one I fought back in 2012.

The first person was a woman, but this time it is a man. Just picture it, a woman stepping in to save a man. It’s very clear this man doesn’t want to be saved by a woman. I think there’s more happening behind the scenes on Earth than meets the eye, and I believe we don’t all come from the same kingdom in heaven. As I delved deeper into his darkness, much was revealed, and I sensed his issue with me was tied to me being granted power and authority in the kingdom. He feels like I think I’m superior to him, and I believe it might have to do with our ranking, but I just don’t know what the real issue is. The truth is, he is weak and he doesn’t know how to take charge. On this mission I have been forced to take on a leadership role because he failed to do his part. I had to take charge and keep the mission going otherwise nothing would have been accomplished.

While working with this individual it seems as though he has a problem with a woman having some sort of power and authority. Moreso not just a woman but me. I mentioned there was a noble matriarchal line and they were given power and authority. He felt some sort of way and just didn’t want to hear what I was saying. In some way he feels as though I have tried to control him and that’s far from the case. There’s more to this and I believe it has something to do with us both being royal descendants, but we are not from the same kingdom. I have felt that his people may be at war with my people, yet we were coming together to make peace between our kingdoms in heaven. It’s just a gut feeling so I can’t pinpoint what exactly is going on between our ancestral bloodlines, but we are not the same people. We are exact opposites. I am thoughtful, considerate and open hearted while he is distant, cold and heartless. On this mission, I wanted to take on more responsibilities and work toward becoming a member of the high council. It’s something I’ve always been interested in within the heavenly court.

So, I’ve just been slowly learning. Everything lately has been about righteous judgment or divine justice in the court of heaven. So, there’s been situations that have manifested in my own life where I have been seeking truth and justice. I’ve been learning to approach the throne of the Most High, seeking justice through my prayers after being wronged by many and repeatedly attacked. I’ve been requesting that the records of certain individuals who have wronged me be opened, reviewed, and evaluated. This is all about uncovering the truth based on what has been thought, said, and done against me. I wanted God to handle every matter in heaven. All I needed to do was bring the case before him, so I began by bringing my own case. Since I couldn’t find the evidence on Earth to uncover the truth because this individual remained secretive as though they were hiding something from me, I asked the high court to search through the individual records, as everything is documented.

I won’t lie, I feel like this person has lied to me on several occasions and things just doesn’t make sense, so I wanted the truth to be revealed. If there were no secrets, no lies spoken then I would sincerely apologize and the case would be closed. I would receive my answers and be aware of what has happened instead of being in the dark. I just want to know the truth. The truth sets your free. It’s like you no longer need to worry or search for answers or understanding about the matter, and you can move forward with a clarity. I’ve talked to this person several times and even sent a letter to try to figure things out, but they still haven’t replied. I’ve tried talking to them face-to-face and even sent a letter, but they’ve completely avoided the topic. Now I’m left without any answers as to why they refuse to tell me what’s really going on, what happened, or why they act the way they do toward me. It’s like did I do something to you.

I just don’t understand why when certain subjects are brough up the person feels so uncomfortable discussing it. It feels like they are hiding something and it can’t be easily ignored because it’s a pattern. it happens every single time the subject is brought up. When the person is put in the same situation and is tested to see what choice they will make, they do the same thing. They try to find a way out it when they are put on the spot. Let me give you an example of putting someone on the spot so it will be easier for you to understand my mindset. Imagine being in a long-term relationship or marriage where trust had been broken in the past and the other person had lied about certain things before. So, out of nowhere, you just asked, “Can I check your phone?” The person’s breathing changes as they seem suddenly caught off guard, then they quickly grab their phone and start scrolling while you say, Can I see your phone? The person walks off, refusing to hand over the phone, then suddenly starts attacking you like you’re the one at fault.

Would you think they are hiding something on their phone or trying to cover up something? This is just an example. I’m sure many people have experienced things like this or something similar. I know I have. I’ve been in many relationships throughout my life and people were unfaithful to me. I’ve been lied to, cheated on, abused, & almost killed by someone that I was in a relationship in. I’ve had a variety of experiences in my life, and I can provide plenty of different scenarios. But in this example that I provided, I would wonder why the person is hesitating to hand over the phone. That’s the first thing that I would observe. I would then notice the person’s body language because I’ve very observant and I pay attention to people’s energy.

Do they look uncomfortable, scared, exposed, nervous, shocked or surprised etc? I’ve always felt that if someone is innocent and not doing anything wrong or hiding things on their phone, then there’s no reason not to just hand it over to prove it especially when trying to rebuild someone’s trust. Not handing over the phone and coming up with excuses suggests there’s more to the situation. You might not be able to pinpoint exactly what it is, but there’s definitely something worth looking into. When certain things or events keep happening in my life, I tend to look deeper to find meaning in whatever is recurring, since it feels like a pattern. If someone consistently reacts the same way whenever specific topics come up, it makes me want to search for more answers.

No matter what events that have happened in my life, I want to know the truth about them and if people are doing things in secret behind my back without my awareness I want to know about it. I don’t want people in my life who are scheming against me or trying to cause me harm. I just want to feel safe and surrounded by love from those close to me. So instead of handling the matter myself I went to God about it because I truly want to gain understanding. I want clarity about this person and the recurring situation. Have they been completely honest, or have they been lying? Was it a mix of truth and lies? Did a small lie grow into something bigger because they didn’t want me to know certain things? I am a reasonable person and a very forgiving person but how can I forgive something I am unaware of. How can I process it fully without knowing it?

I just want to understand why the person’s behavior changed when I asked certain questions. It’s all about having a mature conversation that brings clarity and understanding, because I enjoy working things out with others, even when things appear complicated. I believe that with God at the center of everything, any situation can be resolved if you truly want to do what’s right. For me, certain things just don’t make sense. If someone isn’t hiding anything, they’d do whatever it takes to prove their innocence. But this person seemed to believe their words were good enough, and I was expected to accept what they said without questioning what felt off. The person felt no need to provide any actual proof, believing it wasn’t necessary in this situation. So, I would simply have to trust the person’s words even if they had been dishonest before.

When I observe myself sometimes I see myself as being overanalytical because I pay close attention to every detail. But I’ve always known when people were being dishonest with me and I was never wrong about it. I was always led into the truth and God revealed what people were doing. Most of the time when you go looking for something you find something. But sometimes you get to the point where you don’t want to looking for certain things. Just hand it all over to God and let him take care of everything because I don’t want to be a detective or a spy.I want to be able to trust the people around me and know that they are conducting themselves as people of God, living their lives in righteousness. I feel like we need to keep an eye out for our enemies, those who stand against God. Why should we protect ourselves alongside fellow believers of Christ? Something is seriously wrong if we have to protect ourselves against other believers? To me, those people wouldn’t genuinely represent the children of light, but rather would have been led astray from God’s kingdom.

I believe that everyone has a book of life, and it stands as a witness in heaven. It reveals everything a person has done in their life, no matter what it is. There’s no hiding the truth because the records will show every thought, word, and deed from their entire life. It seems like the real judge is a person’s book of life, holding everything within it. It reveals all your life experiences, what you learned and didn’t learn, how you handled situations, how you reacted and responded, and every choice you made. It carries all your thoughts, whether good or bad, and exposes what’s truly in your heart. It shows everything what can be improved and what needs to be corrected. It’s a guide that shows where you are on a spiritual level and the state of your life at the moment. I think of it as your book of life, holding both the good and the bad, guiding you along your spiritual journey. It reveals what needs healing, what should be purified, cleansed, and refined. It’s like a growth manual for all souls, keeping track of your life experiences.

I’ve been trying to understand how everything works in the heavenly courtroom. I’ve only wanted to be part of God’s holy council, but more as a spiritual guide, helping souls on their journey. I’d provide the information needed for their growth so they could evolve and move onward and upward in the heavenly kingdom. My focus has never been on punishment, but on correction. It’s all about making things right, learning lessons for self-growth, and moving toward ascension. I believe every soul needs to face its own darkness without fear, as it teaches the soul to strive for better. Eventually, a soul will grow weary of experiencing darkness and repeating the same old negative patterns in life. At some point in the soul’s journey, it will surrender to the light and choose to walk within it. I have only expressed my desire to join the holy council of Yahshua.

If Yahshua has been given a throne, I wished to rule alongside, sharing my gifts and inner wisdom. My intention was simply to offer wise counsel, work with souls, and help in any way I could. I wanted a role on Earth where I could work behind the scenes to grow and evolve, staying hidden yet visible to those who seek pure love, truth, and wisdom. I never desired attention for myself. But to those who truly know me, I’m often the most misunderstood. It might not make sense to most people, but when I learned about the seraphim angels, I instantly wanted to be like them because they are so close to the throne of God. I longed to be close as possible to God’s throne, and I was feeling deeply inspired. Somehow, though, my desire to be close to God’s throne seems to have backfired. It brought intense spiritual warfare in my life. The closer I got to God, the more it felt like I was being attacked.

My whole life was turned upside down, and it felt like everything was falling apart, with God being the only thing I had left. He is my foundation, so I haven’t completely fallen. God is the pillar holding me up, and I haven’t truly lost everything. All I’ve ever wanted was to be close to his kingdom, certain I’d be loved and forever protected. Lately, I’ve been dealing with a lot of darkness in others and doing my best to find my way through it with God’s help. Sometimes, when you encounter the darkness within others, you can feel it intensify as they continue to resist the light of God. Many people resist surrendering to the light of God because they don’t want to lose their sense of control. I can’t relate to that feeling, because during the darkest moment of my life, I wanted God to take control since I had no idea what to do. I gave my life to God, sharing everything openly, and welcomed him into my heart. There was no rejecting God I wanted God near me always. I was lost and in need of rescue, a complete mess ignorant and unlearned. I never wanted to lose sight of God or be distant from his kingdom. I never wanted to rebel against Him. I wanted God to guide me, correct me, and show me the path I should follow so I could grow and learn.

When someone’s defense shield is strong, it’s hard to break through. They’ve built a protective barrier that no one can pass. Sometimes a person’s heart has a defense shield like this and I’ve encountered it. It’s been tough to connect with some people who have put up walls. It’s been an ongoing war trying to break down certain barriers. It’s like saying, “Let God into your heart so that he can heal and restore you. The message goes in one ear and out the other, never truly received or absorbed. But at times you may keep trying to get the message to the person because you love them. That’s the kind of love that I have for people that I love and I just keep trying. But I will say this it’s very important to have a personal relationship with God. This is a truth that many people don’t want to accept, some people may claim to know and believe in God, but their actions tell a different story, suggesting the truth isn’t in them. If others don’t share or respect your beliefs, it’s best not to engage with them. You just have to use discernment on different situations. Some people may show signs that they really want to do what’s right. Maybe everyone has given up on them, and they may think and believe that no one truly cares about them.

So let me jump to another situation. If people try to make you feel like something is wrong with you for wanting to do what’s right, holy & righteous, it’s a sign that the enemy may be working through them. I’ve had many run-ins with Satan and his demon followers through people I’ve known, whether they were friends or individuals I was involved with. I’ve seen the enemy’s schemes in many people, and it’s clear to me that Satan has no love for me or for God’s faithful servants. From my own life experiences, I’ve felt like people have lied about me and falsely accused me. Sometimes people twist the story to fit their own narrative, defending themselves while turning things around on me to make it look like I’m the one at fault when they’re actually the ones to blame. Satan doesn’t like me because my heart is full of pure love, I value the truth, I stand up for it, and I’m able to own my mistakes without deflecting, dodging responsibility, or blaming anyone else. It feels like Satan is trying to find something I’ve done wrong to accuse me of not being faithful to God. I hope that makes sense.

If I’ve done something wrong, I’m fine with owning up to it and taking responsibility for my actions. I want to make things right and do what I can to fix the situation with anyone I may have wronged, but I haven’t encountered other people who seek to resolve issues or own up to their wrongdoings. Why are people so afraid to admit their wrongdoings? Over time, I realized that people often preferred to ignore me and keep their distance rather than work through issues with me. The harsh reality was that they simply didn’t want to confront certain truths. Maybe they were guilty and had really done something wrong but just couldn’t bring themselves to face the truth or perhaps they hid the truth because they knew it would hurt me. Even with that I can understand the mindset behind that. I’d rather know the truth, even if it stings, because then I can start working on healing from it. At least I’d know the person was being real with me and I could respect them.

In certain cases, I have felt like people only saw things from their own perspective and never took the time to put themselves in my shoes to understand how I felt about what they did or how they treated me. My feelings never mattered and I always considered everyone’s feelings. At times it felt like people always turned everything around to make me be the issue when I was only trying to resolve issues. No one wanted a resolution. Everyone just wanted to run away and avoid dealing with the issues they had with me, so they wouldn’t have to face the truth, which only made things worse over time.

It was as though they wanted me to suppress my feelings like they did but I wasn’t like them. I couldn’t hold things inside and let things build up. My heart wasn’t closed off nor was I inconsiderate of other people feelings because I genuinely cared, my love was real. I’ve learned that with some people; there’s no acknowledging the truth or openly admitting their mistakes. It feels like with some people the truth has to be forced out of them, and it really shouldn’t be that way. Some people cling to their lies endlessly, never really owning up to the mistakes they’ve made. Some people don’t realize how their actions negatively impact others. They see nothing wrong in what they think, say, or do, and it simply never crosses their mind. They just don’t care about other people’s feelings.

When people are given the chances to prove their innocence they choose to back out which makes them look guilty by the choices they make. They make all sorts of excuses and then once again make it seem like you did something wrong. It’s a clear sign that something is going on behind the scenes and only God knows the full truth. What happens when the individuals are placed on trial and stands before the throne of God and his high council. I have been both a witness and a victim. I have seen how people have treated me and how they deal with me. If I share my testimony revealing the truth on what actually happened during certain events and situations in my life involving other people, they will probably lie in front of God and twist the truth. When I confront people, I’m the one who is now causing and creating all the issues because I am bringing up certain things that I want to resolve so there’s peace.

I’m always seeking truth and clarity because I honestly want to understand what’s going on. If people who claim to be believers of Christ are treating you a certain way when you are not doing anything wrong against them then something is going on with them. I know now that I can only pray for those who have fallen away from the truth of God. Sometimes I see many situations as spiritual warfare, where not only am I being attacked, but those treating me unfairly are also under attack, unaware of what’s really happening. Believers in Christ shouldn’t be fighting each other, which makes me sure something is being stirred up in the spirit. When people lie and hide the truth, that’s an evil spirit from Satan, a spirit of darkness. If you’re trying to do what’s right and someone else is always defending their wrongdoing, it’s clear you’re up against the enemy.

The person has switched sides, no longer standing with you against the enemy’s evil schemes, but instead joining forces with Satan and his army to attack you. I’ve always stood on the side of truth and light. When someone constantly resists the light of God within you, you know you’re facing the enemy of darkness. So, I’m going to just leave that there. I know this post expresses much of my pain, hurt, sadness and my battles but I have to get it out. There is no one to talk to, so I openly express myself here on my page. I know I am not the only one struggling with life in general. Right now, many believers of Christ are under attack, and we are all experiencing different trials & tribulations. The people of God will discover that people who you thought were true warriors of the light are not truly warriors of God. They’re basically servants and captives of Satan, stuck in the shadows of his realm.

You can identify them by their works. It’s clear as day. I never go by what a person says anymore I go by their actions and what they actually do. People may often say hurtful things to you and that’s how they really feel about you. Especially if they don’t come back to you to apologize for what they’ve said or done when they were angry, frustrated or upset. They never stop to consider how they might have hurt you. It just doesn’t occur to them. Some people refuse to change their toxic behavior, so it is what it is. At some point, we all have to face the truth about certain people, and for me, that moment came. I can’t ignore it or make excuses for their behavior anymore. I just know that I had placed my hope and trust in someone and they failed me times. I thought this person was on my side, part of God’s holy army. I tried to guide them back to the light of God and inspire the awakening of their higher self. But my higher self was invisible to them.

I tried everything to lead the person to their higher self, but I wasn’t successful at all. It felt like I had failed on this mission, to rescue a member on the team. I just couldn’t help with bringing this person back home. The person eventually turned against me, and now I can’t talk about higher knowledge or share my feelings or provide insight and inner wisdom with this person because they take everything the wrong way. I guess the person will never see the light of God in me because they can’t see it in themselves, so I’ll remain an invisible flame of God in their presence. It’s been a constant battle between the light within me and the darkness in them. They constantly battled the light within me, and I was always pushed away. My light simply revealed the darkness they carried inside.

Perhaps deep down inside the person didn’t appreciate being exposed to the light of God on the throne. Sometimes, they made me feel like an enemy, even though I was just a messenger of God, offering help and spiritual guidance to free the soul from bondage and darkness. Through all of the things that I experienced I sat down and reflected on everything, and my soul expressed that I was simply invisible love. I believe my love is pure, yet it seems unseen, unheard, and unfelt in this world. I’m not sure who I’m becoming, but I keep allowing the Creator to transform me. May my hurt and pain be transformed into healing energy, and may God bring love, comfort and healing to the brokenhearted. -Seraphim Sophia